It’s summer and if you’re a bartender who works private events, that probably means you’re working a lot of weddings. Here are some guests you’re sure to run into at your next gig. Special thanks to Robyn Spector McCallister and Thomas Pedley from the Bartender Facebook Group for providing some inspiration!

 

The bride’s mother who has one too many Pinot Grigio’s and must tell you all the things about her new son-in-law she’s excited to brag about — have you heard he’s a doctor?

The best man who worked at a bar for one summer after college and thinks he’s qualified to “help”.

The maid of honor who really is a bartender and finds a way to be helpful but not intrusive, by bringing you a coat during this random mid-summer chilly night.

The bridesmaid who gets mad at you for not serving her shots after sneaking extra drinks all night, and ends the evening attempting to do “the worm” on the dance floor.

The distant relative who thinks you’re amazing and becomes your buddy for the night, even if their relatives are the ones they traveled to see (eh, they’ll chat at the reunion)!

The flower girl who drinks seven Shirley Temple’s, spends an hour jumping up and down, and adorably passes out at 8PM.

The cousin who has a dark, brooding story to tell you at the end of the night, cause he wants you to know he’s totally, like, such an outsider (even though he works in finance)!

The mystery guest whose relationship to the family you never learn, who genuinely praises the signature cocktail and leaves a $50 bill in the tip jar. Thanks, mystery guest!

The uncle who starts a tirade about social media after his third Old Fashioned, and has to be quieted down by his kids who have heard this rant at least ten times this year alone.

The aunt who apologizes for her ex-husband’s social media rant, as she begins to kvell about the progress of younger generations — but unlike her ex’s, her rant is endearing!

The venue coordinator who brings you a fancy Chiavari chair in between their million other tasks, and who you later share a drink with at midnight to celebrate jobs well done!

The dog/ring bearer, who stays by your side drinking a bowl of water all night, who is also the cutest and the cuddliest and please can he officially become your apprentice?

The newly married couple who are actually wonderful and make you believe in love, even if they went back and forth with you for months over what precise shade of pink the signature cocktail would be to match the bride’s bouquet!

13 Guests You’ll (Probably) Serve at Your Next Summer Wedding

Kate Herzlin

Kate Herzlin is a New York-based playwright, screenwriter and comedy writer who overuses the rule of three. Her work can be seen in McSweeney's, The Belladonna, Slackjaw, Robot Butt, Points in Case and Little Old Lady Comedy. As a cocktail fangirl/enthusiast, she finds joy in properly stirred cocktails and doesn't understand what James Bond was thinking.

About Kate Herzlin

Kate Herzlin is a New York-based playwright, screenwriter and comedy writer who overuses the rule of three. Her work can be seen in McSweeney's, The Belladonna, Slackjaw, Robot Butt, Points in Case and Little Old Lady Comedy. As a cocktail fangirl/enthusiast, she finds joy in properly stirred cocktails and doesn't understand what James Bond was thinking.